Trust

“Who can I trust? I don’t even trust myself anymore. Was I the narcissistic one? Was I a nutjob? He kept telling me that I was. He constantly told me I was imagining stuff, or I'd made up what I experiencing. Was I mean, nasty, cruel? My judgement was cloudy, I was so used to him making fruit salad of my brain.” 

Well, the first thing Jane had to get her head around was to accept that some things you just can't manage on your own, so she established in her mind whom she might trust with this knowledge of abuse. There is a process to this and it's vitally important to choose the right support network as it could all very well have blown up in her face. He might actually just have killed her if it had found its way back to him. So, sharing this knowledge is so very sensitive, and risky, but once you get the right support, it is so worth it. 

You are not going mad! Trust your gut. When your gut gets screwed up in a knot, it’s telling you something is off. You may be sitting on the couch right now eating yourself to death, or starving yourself – this is not normal. His behaviour is not normal, but your response is! You are so precious, and you can have such a better life than the one you have right now. You can have the love, the kindness, the ‘happy ever after’. He keeps telling you you’re a dreamer and ‘that’s just Hollywood', but it's not. There is evidence all around you. Family maybe, or friends, there is someone you know who has in their life everything you want. It's not Hollywood, it's true, and it can all be yours. I've done it, it's all true, and I'll show you how. 

Jane was not accustomed to accepting charity as she had always worked hard for everything she had in life, and she was fiercely independent. Neither of those character traits were going to help her in this situation. Once Jane had decided on a handful of people she could share this with and trust, she was firstly looking for validation that she wasn’t going crazy, and wasn’t imagining this, that this is not how anyone should be treated. Jane really only skimmed the surface of the goings-on in her life, yet the reactions were far more than just validating – they were loving, caring and supportive. 

Jane’s small group of support helped her phone the right support agents and authorities who told her what financial support she was entitled to – lawyers, police, Centrelink, somewhere to escape to, somewhere to go to and stay, some cash, and really all the things she needed to get the hell out!

STEP 1

Truly think about whom you can trust with this information. Jane chose someone her abuser didn’t really know. This was a very safe step as the first people they check when you’ve gone are your family and friends. 

STEP 2

Trust your gut; it is always right.

STEP 3

Tell your abuser nothing, and cover your tracks. If you’re phoning support agencies, delete the numbers from your phone. Don’t let your abuser get wind of any of it. 

Image Credit: Marcos Mayer, Unsplash