Fear

The commotion was escalating, getting louder and angrier. He was trying to locate an item and couldn’t find it. It turned into rage – his frustration always did – and he would throw anything in his path, smashing whatever was in his way. Jane just lay in her bed frozen with fear, thinking, ‘Here we go again’, then finally he came storming into her bedroom and shouted. And when I say shouted, I mean jugular veins sticking out the sides of his neck, spit spraying everywhere, and every cuss word under the sun type of shouting. Sometimes he was so angry he would stand in front of Jane shaking and pulling his own hair out. He ordered her to get out of bed and find what he was looking for. Blaming her, as always, for putting it somewhere so that he couldn't find it, or even hiding it from him. Her rational mind was saying in her head, ‘Surely no rational person would ever behave this way. Maybe a really frustrated two-year-old (minus the soul-destroying name calling) but not a grown man.’

Jane lived in fear every day that this episode of rage would end her life. 

The pain of living this way is insurmountable, I know exactly how you feel, paralysed with fear, wondering when are they going to end it all, take your life, take their life. Sometimes Jane used to wish he would just get it over with and kill her, as she couldn’t bear the pain for much longer. 

This is not our destiny. Women deserve to be held, loved, told that we are beautiful, that the sun rises and sets in us. I bet you have a friend who has a beautiful marriage and you wished you were her, while every day you are thinking there is something wrong with you, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not sexy enough. 

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You deserve all the love, and abundance the world has to offer – you are just perfect the way you are. I know you feel weak, you feel like you have no fight left in you, but Jane fought the good fight – her fight, not his. She planned, she fled, and she triumphed. Now she’s free. I know it looks hard when you're in the battle zone, but it's not as hard as you think. Yes, Jane was confronted, but she had to make a move and this is how:

Fear is a most difficult thing to deal with. When in danger, our brain goes into fight or flight mode as a form of protection. It is something we have little control over. Educating yourself gives you more control, not over them, but over how you can manage your situation.  

STEP 1

Educate yourself on narcissism, psychopathic tendencies and mental abuse. Knowledge will help you understand and recognise his behavioural patterns.

STEP 2

Work out how to protect yourself, defusing situations until you work out how to get out.

STEP 3

Cover your tracks – do not let your abuser know this is what you are researching.

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska, Pexels